It’s close to midnight and I still have far too much energy running through me. Some days I just can’t get myself motivated to work and others I just do things in an instant without any sign of hesitation. Today is one of those days. My last day at Corinthia for this week, I powered through the day trying to get as much done as possible before I pass things onto the next person. The work there is firmly within my comfort zone. Sometimes on the challenging side of things but nowhere near the lack of familiarity and oh-my-god-how-the-heck-do-I-do-this feeling I get from many other bits of my working life. It’s actually really good to have a balance. Not too much stoking of my ego and not too much realisation of just how much I still need to learn. Somewhere in the middle I can find a kind of confident experimentation, a let’s do this attitude that’s built around the knowledge that the worst case scenario is actually not all that bad.
It’s funny that the practice of sitting down to write is actually calming me down. One paragraph in my eyelids feel heavier, my actions slower as my body lets go of the need for action and can once again feel what’s happening on the base layer of things. The project I’m working on is looking great. Thanks to some awesome work from my main collaborator I feel like I can actually get excited about the possibility of making it all happen in the next few months. Fingers and toes crossed there.
With my eyes closing without my permission and my brain clouded with the proximity of sleep, I’m calling it a day. There are clearly many holes still in this account for the day; the very practice of keeping a diary is of course one that includes the omission of much and the retention of little. There is however, the ongoing benefit of encouraging observation. Of looking at myself, of trying to understand the workings underneath the hood that is life.
I’ll end with this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
The good writer seems to be writing about himself, but has his eye always on that thread of the Universe which runs through himself and all things.
I’m hopeful that I’ll manage to unravel that thread, if only just a little.