Today on many levels I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of narcissistic politicians, I’ve had enough of well-meaning ideas that end up just paving the road to hell, I’ve had enough of seeing people I love caught in the endless loop of work > consume > work more to pay for the things missed out on while working > consume more to keep the gnawing feeling inside at bay etc etc etc. I’ve had enough of feeling small and ineffective.
I’ve had enough of the fear that the meaningful way of life I’ve managed to carve out for myself is precarious, temporary, fickle; that at some point I will have to give in to the ways of the world and abandon the idea of living that which I find intriguing, necessary, compelling as an airy fairy sandcastle in the sky. Many people around me definitely believe it is and sometimes my mind really entertains that possibility.
It’s not about finding a job or not working for anyone. It has nothing to do with being tied or not tied to a place or to working from an office or the forest (although I do love being out and about). It’s not about living a glamorous life or a simple one, it’s not about working for a corporate company or an NGO.
It’s about being free.
It’s about knowing that I have the possibility work on the things that excite me. It’s about being able to follow that which pulls me in not because of the money I can get paid to do it but because of the work itself. It’s about working on things that make the difficult worthwhile, the mundane meaningful, it’s about being able to live on my own terms rather than those which were thrown over me by well-intentioned idiots who were slaves to their fears.
Tonight I’ve had enough.