Right now I feel a little as if I’m in suspension. In the middle of two states and neither fully here nor there. I’m not tired yet not particularly energetic, I’m not elated but not sad, not fully relaxed, not stressed. Everything seems to be somewhere in the middle in a way that feels like it’s passing from one state to another rather than resting after it found its balance at last. It’s a peculiar thing to observe.
Today was another full, calm and purposeful day. I woke up in a little bit of a hurry after not enough sleep and went out without making time for yoga. I walked to Floriana in the midst of throngs of people flowing into the city and the mad building site that is the area around the triton fountain just outside the gates of Valletta. The sun was shining and I gave everyone a beaming smile that made some avoid eye contact, others look at me in confusion wondering whether they were supposed to recognise me, while a few actually gave me a conspiring smile back.
Morning work was productive, a slight bit uncomfortable and very purposeful. I left at around 12:30, stopped round the corner for a take-away falafel wrap and walked in the sun to the Floriana Public Library. I was looking for a book that in the end remained unfound but it was so great to be in that library again after many years. I must visit again soon.
The afternoon was also calm and productive. I got quite a lot done whilst listening to old Brazilian tunes and noticing a few whistful thoughts (you could say it’s saudade) about the country float by. A year ago right now I was somewhere in the beautiful Piracanga in Bahia, waking up to river and sea swims, walking on the sand, doing my work in the cafe overlooking the water. It was by no means perfect or easy but it was definitely very beautiful and my mind often hops there for moments at a time.
I walked back with a touristic vibe and stopped at Upper Barrakka for a harbour peek and some garden therapy which was wonderful. Walking home I had a long conversation with the owner of a men’s wear shop (one with really beautiful clothes) about how people in Malta seem to be more up for working together and how important that is for independent shops. Minutes after that I bumped into some friends and decided to stop for a drink despite the ever present internal voice telling me I should go home to work. I stayed there for a while and the conversation was rather deep and intense (as it often is) and put me in a completely different mindframe than I was previously.
Following on from that, I had some great conversations with the lovely people at home. Conversations about quantum mechanics, creating your own reality, playing life as a game, learning what is enough and what is too much for us, people who invite openness from you, money, freedom, the relationship between the two. It never gets dull over here, that’s one thing you can count on.